2 Jul
Hunger Pains
Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? Psalm 42:5
Christians should always be happy people, right? Purpose driven. Content in all situations. Fulfilled. Filled to overflowing, in fact. After all, we have been redeemed. Bought at a precious price. And that should be enough—it is enough, right? Yes. But today it just doesn’t feel that way.
Forgive me, Lord! I know that You are enough. You are more than enough, in fact. You are the One who fills all things (Eph. 4:10). But I am starving here, Lord. Deep in my heart there is a longing that will not be satisfied. And because that hole is there, there is often doubt and depression. I must not be living right. Search me, God. Like tiny brown worm holes on the shiny polished skin of an apple, pinpricks of discontent give way to the longing deep in the core of my heart. Show me if there is any wicked way in me (Ps. 139:24). Common wisdom, often like that of Job’s well-meaning friends, holds that there must be sin causing this dissatisfaction. Yet, I struggle to discover the sinful source of my turmoil. What is the cause of my holey, hungry heart?
Thankfully, God sees the content of my heart. He knows what lies at my core even when I can’t (or won’t) see it. You are aware of all my ways, Lord (Ps. 139:3). He sees, and He pushes and pulls and pokes me to keep seeking more. Maybe He is the reason I am not satisfied. Maybe He doesn’t want me to settle for anything less than all of Him. Maybe He knows there is something great waiting beyond the realm of the merely satisfactory or the good. And maybe, dare I say, it is waiting for me?
As long as we are satisfied with good enough and content to live simply satisfactory lives, we may never realize all that God has planned for us. Despite the hunger pains we suffer, deep continues to call to deep (Ps. 42:7), and the greater the gaping desire of our hearts the greater our capacity to hold more of His Holy Spirit. Despite our momentary suffering, we can entrust ourselves to our faithful Creator and continue in doing good (1 Pet. 4:19). He is enough, and He is able to satisfy our longing for more.
Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42:11
You are the One who causes me to thirst for You as a deer longs for streams of water. Motivate me to seek more of You and not to be satisfied until I finally reach the full measure of Your will. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.
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