13 Aug
Saying Goodbye
Write from where you are, the writing gods say.
Well, this evening finds me sitting in a familiar leather chair sitting next to a familiar large window watching the sun sink down beneath a familiar line of trees. For the past six and a half years, I have named Clemson, South Carolina, home. Both my boys were born here. My wife Miska and I bought our first house here. Here, in this little college town, serving as a pastor amid this community, I have discovered more of my voice. I have made deep friends. I have become aware of more of my foibles and my idiosyncrasies. Here, I have wrestled a few more of my demons. I have prayed and laughed and cried and hoped and doubted and believed. A lot of life has been lived in this place, with these people.
But now I must go.
And this fact is closer to the truth of where I am – I am a mess of wrenching emotions because in a matter of hours, we will be pulling out of town, moving to Charlottesville, Virginia. We are excited, but we are also sad. We are eager for what new season lies before us, and we feel deep sorrow for this violent severing about to occur. Soon, we will disconnect from the community and people we have known, from the people and the place that have been our home. Yet we go to a city that has called our name. Such a strange paradox, this leaving and going. We surrender one good so we can embrace another good.
A couple days ago, my youngest son Seth (4) explained to me what he was feeling. “Daddy, I don’t mind going. I just don’t want to leave.” That sounds about right to me. If only we could enjoy all the good that comes from going without having to endure all the pain that comes from leaving. But, of course, we can’t. One requires the other.
Abraham had to leave his home without knowing what was in store. Paul had to leave position and power. Peter had to surrender control. Thomas had to surrender doubt. Moses had to surrender fear. Mary had to surrender reputation. The widow with the mite surrendered her last coin. Jesus surrendered His full self, His very life.
It seems that in the way of the Cross, there is no arrival without a departure. There is no freedom without surrender and repentance. There is no Resurrection hope without Dark Friday. There is no joyful greeting without a sad goodbye.
I pray I see God’s hand at work in all of it. I pray the same for you.
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About the Author
Winn is a pastor and the author of Restless Faith, Let God: The Transforming Wisdom of Francois Fenelon and the upcoming Holy Curiosity: Facing Jesus’ Provocative Questions. Winn enjoys the music of Amos Lee and Josh Rouse, the literary work of Eugene Peterson and John Steinbeck, hiking, and independent coffee shops serving fair-trade roasts. Winn’s greatest joy, however, is good conversations with his wife Miska and wrestling with their two boys Wyatt and Seth. You can connect with Winn online at winncollier.com.
