“I’m Actually A Cool Guy…I Swear!”

Ducking into the doorway, I saw that only two seats lined each side of the aircraft, and I felt like I could stand in the aisle with my arms outstretched and touch both ends of the plane! My window looked directly out on to the propeller. Fear gripped me.

I plopped into my aisle seat and got adjusted, when I heard a soft voice. “Excuse me, I think I’m the window seat beside you…” “OK, just a sec I…” my sentence trailed off. Before me stood a girl that could have leapt straight from the cover of People magazine’s “40 Most Beautiful People in the Galaxy” edition! “Soooo, can I get to my seat?” I realized she was still waiting in the aisle for me to move. “Um, yeah, sure…” I stammered, dropping my book and getting tangled in my iPod headphones as I struggled to unfasten my seatbelt. Regretting I didn’t listening to the pre-flight instructions on how to unfasten your seatbelt, I finally spilled into the aisle, and she eased her way past me into the window seat.

“So, what do...

Snow Flakes Of Doom!

When I moved from Canada to North Carolina there were several things I bid a heartbreaking farewell to. Hockey was replaced by college football, ketchup chips were exchanged for sweet tea, and snow just sort of disappeared. Or so I thought…

It began with a light wind, which chilled the air and tickled the back of your neck. The sky faded to an ashen grey and the sun slipped behind thick clouds. When the weather forecast confirmed the chance of snow, Armageddon fell upon North Carolina. People poured into their nearest grocery store, pushing and shoving to get their hands on a carton of milk or a loaf of bread, both of which were fast becoming endangered species’!

During all the chaos, I chuckled and relaxed in my apartment. As the snow began to fall, I casually watched it from my window, reminiscing about the many such snowfalls I had experienced in Canada. “Foolish Americans,” I thought, “you could learn a thing or two from a northern pro like me!”

Then I noticed the...

“Bring The Pain (but be gentle…)!”

I am not what you would call “physically fit.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not fat either, I’m just sort of-ordinary. I was never an athlete in school.

While other kids were trying out for the basketball team, I was practicing my Star Wars trivia. Never quite motivated enough to sculpt myself into a Greek god, I had resigned myself to my fate-then I saw him.

His name was Tony Horton, and his muscles barely fit into the TV screen. Tony was the spokesperson for a new extreme workout program known as P90X, and his infomercial reeled me in like a hungry fish.

I placed my order and waited. The days stretched into weeks and the weeks into a month, and still no P90X. This was problematic since I had completely let myself go in anticipation. Tell a man he only has a week left to gorge on fast food before training begins, and you will likely see the inner animal take over!

When the program finally arrived, everything was in place to begin. I had the weights, the protein powder, and...

Fly Attack

I was sitting on my couch reading when something floated past my head. It was a tiny little fruit fly. Had it been a spider or a roach, I may have taken immediate actions, but a harmless little fruit fly? I decided to let him be. Big mistake.

I began to question my demonstration of mercy when a second fly coasted by. However, I knew I had a problem when I lifted the lid on the trash bin and a black cloud rose from its depths! I froze in shock as the entire Von Trap Family of fruit flies scattered into my kitchen! The army of pests descended on my apartment like an Egyptian plague as I dove for cover.

I suddenly had a sickening realization: campus housing was going to inspect my apartment any day. There was no doubt in my mind that “infestation of flies” would not look good on the inspector’s check list, for which there were steep fines for any violation. I had no choice but to go to war!

Armed with a bottle of Windex, I crawled towards the kitchen. The flies swarmed...

Don’t Look Down

I have always loved climbing. When I was a kid, I used to scamper up trees, I never lost a game of “Grounders” on the playground, and I even slept on the top bunk. Needless to say, when I recently had the opportunity to go rock-climbing, my answer was an enthusiastic “YES!”

Sure, I was a little less flexible than I was in my youth, my love for Arby’s hasn’t been good to me, and my new exercise regime remains on my “New Year’s Resolution 2010” list, but how hard could it be?

Our crew trekked through the beautiful wilderness of North Carolina until we arrived at our destination—a sheer cliff dropping several feet down. “Ok,” I thought, “So we’re skipping ‘Beginner’ and going straight to ‘Intermediate.’ I can handle this…”

My turn arrived, and I began my ascent up the rock. I could feel the strength seep from my limbs as I moved up the mountain one painful inch at a time, until I reached The Spot. The Spot was a section of the rock that nobody had successfully passed, and I...

My Dignity For An Autograph, Sir?

I spent my first year in college working at a local restaurant. I liked it, but it was not the place you would expect celebrities to frequent. So, when the coach of the local NHL hockey team walked in one day, everyone was a little surprised. And I was the worst. “Look! It’s Darryl Sutter!” I squealed, giddily running back and forth behind the counter, desperate to serve him. When an order for chili appeared on the screen, I exploded into a flurry of activity, packing up his meal in record time. His order sat, perfectly arranged in a take-out bag, awaiting his arrival. Reaching the counter, he opened his mouth to speak. Oh sweet mercy, I thought, he is going to say something to me!

“I’m sorry; I actually ordered that to stay.” I snatched the bag off the counter, stuttering my apologies and spilling chili everywhere in my attempt to correct the mistake. He suppressed a smile and thanked me, finding a table in the far corner to eat. When he finished his meal, he got up to...

“A Tale Of Two Seas”

My family recently returned from a trip to Israel. Of the many biblical places we were able to visit, one contrast has stuck uniquely in my mind. It is a tale of two seas.

One of the most famous bodies of water in the Bible is the Sea of Galilee. It is here where Jesus called his first disciples and even walked on the surface of the water. Teeming with life, it remains a hot spot for fishermen. In a land where vegetation is not plentiful, plants and trees surround its beautiful shores. The Sea of Galilee is the main source of water for the entire nation of Israel and just as water flows plentifully into the sea, so also many rivers flow from it. Seven nations were represented in our tour group, and we were able to sail across to the other side on a large boat and sing hymns together. Galilee was the place where Jesus charged his followers with the Great Commission, and in a powerful picture of God’s faithfulness, the nations had truly returned that day.

The Dead Sea stands...

“Does This Shirt Make Me Look Fat?”

When you are a fan of rock music, you wear T-shirts of your favorite bands. I don’t know who decided this, but for years rockers have proudly sported threads of their musical heroes. In a way, our musical tastes represent a lot about who we are, and I remember the day I joined the trend. I had never bought a band shirt over the Internet before and didn’t understand why they needed so much information from me. (“If you were trapped on a desert island with the choice of only one breakfast cereal…”) But I patiently filled in all the necessary blanks and placed my order. Then the waiting began.

In my excitement, I checked the mail box every single day! When the days stretched into weeks, I was ready to burst with anticipation. Just when I was beginning to worry that the post office had switched to wagon trains to save on gas money, it finally arrived. I called a family meeting for the inaugural opening of the package, and excitedly ripped into it to reveal…a shirt sized XXXX...

“Locks & Flocks”

The professor announced a ten-minute break at the half-way point of class, and I eagerly slipped off to the bathroom. However, as I climbed the stairs, I saw a friend and started chatting and time swiftly passed unnoticed by me. I was not aware of my classmates making their way back to the room, and by the time I realized break was over, I was alone. I raced back to the classroom, realizing it had been in session for several minutes already. Thanking God I had sat in the back, I reached for the door…it was locked. I tried it again, but it wouldn’t budge. Beginning to panic, I tried to think of a plan, but my options were limited. I could either wait out the next hour and a half, or I could try and get the attention of a classmate.

The two doors to the classroom were located at the back, with a large window between them. I knew I couldn’t walk past the window to the other door, since I would walk clearly into my professor’s line of sight. I sighed and leaned out from the...

Dead Zone

I am a very impatient person. Most of my frustrations in life stem from this quality, and one of those is inconvenience. I often thrive in the fast-paced expediency of modern culture, but I recently moved to an apartment complex with terrible cell phone reception. I had often heard of so-called “Dead Zones,” but had never really experienced one. They are as unpredictable as they are lethal, and can drive people to madness. One day I found my roommate sitting in the corner, neck stretched into an unnatural position and his cell phone raised to the sky. “I think I…nope, lost it again,” he grumbled. Glancing out the window, I saw my neighbors trying to obtain the elusive signal. Students wandered the parking lot yelling into their phones; men and women stood on their cars screaming “Why me?” to the heavens; and I saw one individual trudging off into the wilderness. (I don’t recall ever seeing him again.)

I fared no better than my disgruntled companions. No matter where I...