Ten months ago, after a whirlwind eight month courtship, Andrew and I embarked on the journey of marriage. We marvel now at how much we thought we knew but how little we really did. We’ve been delightfully surprised and duly humbled in our first months of married life. During our engagement, we regularly invited the advice of family, friends, books, and marriage counselors. We were warned that sex, finances, and family relationships could be “hot topics” for newlyweds and advised to handle these issues with care.

In Genesis 3:16b, I find my Creator has a word of caution for new brides as well. After sin enters the world, God tells Eve, “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” In other words, Eve and her daughters will desire to be in control of their homes and husbands, even though God has not given them this authority.

I read this verse, and my sin is quite evident. I am well acquainted with control but hopefully beginning to catch glimpses of submission.

I control when I withdraw from my husband when I don’t get my way. I honor my husband when our home is a place of freedom, not fear. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…” (I John 4:18a)

I control when I’m preoccupied with getting my point across and fail to respectfully listen to my husband’s view. I submit when I ask clarifying questions before I respond. “…everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak…” (James 1:19)

I control when I value any issue or decision above unity in our home. I honor God when I esteem oneness over personal preferences. “Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.” (Colossians 3:14)

Our loved ones gave us solid premarital counsel, but I must say God nailed it when He described a woman’s struggle in marriage.

I’m learning there is beauty and joy in submitting to my God and my husband. By God’s grace, I want to build my home, respect my husband, and honor my God.

“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1

I had many hobbies and amusements growing up. I enjoyed hockey, guitar, PS2 etc. However, of all my pastimes—I won’t lie—my favorite was tormenting my little sister Carrie. Being three years younger, she was the perfect target for my cruel shenanigans.

For many years our house served as the battlefield for our ongoing wars. As we grew older, I began to grow painfully aware that my sister, tapping into her natural feminine powers, was becoming more clever and skilled in her pranks than I was. So after some devious scheming I devised the ultimate escapade to remind Carrie that I was still master

On Christmas Eve I put my malicious plan into motion. I purchased the largest, blackest chunk of coal I’d ever seen. I put it in a box and proceeded to wrap it in the brightest, prettiest, pinkest, sparkled wrapping paper I could find. Grabbing a marker I scribbled: “To Carrie, Love Santa Claus!”

I waited patiently, and then… under the cover of night I crept downstairs and strategically placed the gift under the tree. I triumphantly marched back to my room. Christmas morning I woke up extra early and raced downstairs; I wanted to arrive before Carrie so I didn’t miss my victorious moment! Soon she came running down the stairs and excitedly went straight for my bait. Everything was going according to plan! I closed my eyes and prepared for the chorus of sobs I was sure to hear. I pumped my fists up in victory as she let out a shriek, “Santa!…” she yelled out, “…Thank you!”

Those two words hit me like a ton of coal, I opened my eyes just in time to see her pull out two crisp twenty dollar bills (they looked a lot like the $40 that had unexplainably gone missing from my wallet that morning). Shocked and confused, I struggled for words. Looking around the room for answers my eyes fell on my stocking. Reaching inside I pulled out the lump of coal!

My family burst into laughter and my face went bright red. It was then that I noticed my dad grinning at me. As our eyes met, he gave a shrug of supposed innocence.

In the Bible, Joseph’s hardship was also initiated by his older brothers, but God would use his difficulties to elevate him and save the lives of thousands (Genesis 37-50). God can take any difficult situation in our lives and also use it for good. Just as Carrie had her father watching out for her, ready to turn that coal into a great gift, I’ve discovered that we have our Heavenly Father watching out for us, too. He always has a way of using our hardest situations to accomplish some of his greatest works. I’m so thankful for that.

Next time we face a hardship, let’s not get discouraged. Instead, let’s try and see it through Gods perspective. Let’s allow Him to take those painful events and use them for His good.